Alright fuckers – did you forget about me?! Course you fucking didn’t. Now, like Daniel Powter’s career, let’s get into this right away so we can get it over with.

First, read: http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2012/jun/27/jessie-j-copyright-domino. Until you’ve done this, we’re of no use to each other and that’s never a good place to start, especially when I’m involved.

So Jessie J is having her meaty danglers handed to her by some fame-starved, poverty-line-living, sonic-diarrhea-producing yank, who’s probably on the verge of taking me to court for spelling out his life exactly like it is. The man in question is Will Loomis, front-man of Loomis & The Lust and he’s as angry at the diva-tastic, chart-shafting, pop-dragon as the rest of us, albeit with a much better reason. Here’s Jessie J’s ‘Domino’ against ‘Bright Red Chords’, with the latter being pitch-shifted so they’re both in the same key: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vxrTiFQRQg

Ignoring the chorus it’s 2 balls in 1 bag; it song starts with the sort of jangly chord progression you’d expect a learner guitarist as a ‘special’ school to create before bursting into the verse which boasts exactly the same vocal melody. Worringly, in the comments on the YouTube video, there seem to be plenty of kids complaining that the tracks are nothing alike, which leads me to worrying that obesity in this country is a non-issue when we’ve got mass-deafness affected these poor, moronic, bandwagon-hopping fuckters throwing their opinions about as though they were actually thought out or, on some level, intelligent.

However, if intelligence is what determines whether or not your existence is justified, I’m not sure Mr Loomis deserves any money at all: when whining about how his songs has been ripped off and profited from, he posted this little beauty on his Facebook:

“When I wrote this melody in my garage I never imagined it would be sung for the King and Queen of England and I especially never imagined it would be sung by Jessie J,”

Christ, if he was in for a shock, we, the UK, certainly were cause there hasn’t been a King of England for over 200 years. But that should probably be where we draw the line at insulting him, excluding, of course, the fame-starved, penniless nonsense from earlier. If you go over to his Facebook page, you’ll see wave after wave of stupid (stupid and ugly for the most part, actually) people abusing him for asking for $150k, less than a quarter of what she’ll get if she returns for a second series of The Voice, a show that she shouldn’t even be on for snubbing the head of the BBC, the man who paid her £200k for sitting in a chair and barking, and for furthering adding to the popularity of the singer, which I, personally, am not too happy about.

As for where she heard of the band – I can’t tell you for sure but when you work in music, you hear – or at least hear of – tens of bands a day and when an act has won awards from the likes of MTV and rack up 500k views of a video in a week, they stand out a little more than the rest. And come on, who are you more likely to plagiarise; another multi-million selling act with a team of expensive lawyers or a band that have proven they can write catchy songs but may never get the break they need?! Mhmmm.

So where do we go from here? Well, more than likely, it’ll all be dismissed, with Jessie J’s team thinking Loomis should be grateful for the publicity or, if they’re feeling especially generous, a fraction of the $150k tag hanging over this case will be paid up; not enough for the defendants to notice but enough to satisfy Loomis. More to the point, maybe Jessie J’s fans will realise there is more to music than bands that reach the top 40 and their mates shitty wannabe-Oasis bands and actually check out something that’s nor stolen or so formulaic it sounds like everything else. Either way, I’m off. See you again in another 6 month, fuckers.

TMB